John and Bryan were quarrelling
in
the kitchen of their small flat in London. They argued every day about
small things such as which mayonnaise to buy, or the colour of the
toilet paper. The two out-of-work
actors had been living together for
eight months and were starting to get
on each other's nerves.
They
loved each other, but spending all day together was becoming too
difficult. John was crying. 'I'm going out. I can't stand it! I can't
stand you!' Bryan screamed at his boyfriend.
'Please don't go,' his partner pleaded,
'Don't leave me. I'll die.'
Bryan walked out
of the kitchen and out of the front door, slamming
it dramatically.
That felt better. Except he had forgotten to pick up his coat and
started shivering
in the cold November evening. He hurried along the
street and into their local pub.
It was almost empty - just a few old
men talking about their younger days. They gave Bryan a bad look. Even
in modern London not everyone accepted gay men, but Bryan didn't care,
he simply ordered a pint of Guinness in a theatrical voice
and
took a seat.
John sat on the edge of the bed; his tears falling onto the wooden floor. After ten minutes, or so, suddenly, his strength came back and he stood up and walked over to his old record player. To cheer himself up he put some music on: 'Native Boy' by Animal Nightlife. He thought the vocalist was so sexy. He needed an idea, a way to bring him and Bryan together, a way to make their relationship as happy as it was the summer when they met. They both needed work too, and money. Money, work and love, that's all they needed. As he listened to the 1980's song he tried to think of a good idea, and he was surprised when he thought of one. 'Yes!' he shouted, 'That's it! It will work!' Immediately, he picked up his mobile phone and started making calls.
At eleven o'clock Bryan walked
up the steps to their flat and saw all the lights were on and there
were people inside. He opened the door and saw that there were three
people sitting on the sofa while John was in the kitchen. Bryan was
drunk but thought he didn't recognize the people in his room. He
marched
into the kitchen. 'Who are those people?' he asked John.
'They, my dear, are our audience.'
'What? What do you mean "our audience"?'
'They are paying £5 each for two hours to watch our life
together.' As he spoke, the three people walked into the kitchen and
stood watching them.
'Get out!' Bryan told them, but they didn't move. They just stared
at
him.
'Calm down and ignore
them,' John advised his boyfriend.
'What is going on?' Bryan looked a little angry.
'I've decided that our life is so melodramatic
we might as well make
some money out of it. This is the ultimate
reality
show. Our audience
can
pay to see our lives - listen to our conversations and fights, watch us
shout and cry.'
'But... But... You should have told me! I would have worn something
more fashionable.' Bryan whispered.
The men walked out into the hall
and Bryan explained that he wanted
to solve
their problems and this was his idea of how to do it.
Several weeks passed. Some days no one came to watch them, but on other days there were many people. As time went by, they stopped arguing and Bryan and John spent more time talking through their problems. They began to show their affection for each other more, and look after themselves more. John even joined a gym. They were starting to earn good money too, and one day and man from the local newspaper stayed all day and wrote notes. He couldn't speak to them as it wasn't allowed, but he took some photos of them around the house. After an article about them was published in the local newspapaer, the audience got bigger and more diverse. Instead of other gay men , they started having housewives and students come to watch them. One day a family of five people spent three hours on their sofa.
The only place the audience couldn't go was the toilet and so it was the only place for complete privacy. Bryan spent a long time in there, but could often hear that the guests were standing outside, listening at the door. One evening, a middle-aged man paid to stay all night. He sat quietly in the corner of Bryan and John's bedroom. It was very strange, and the two young actors couldn't sleep well. The next morning, he left his business card and a contract on their kitchen table. He was a TV producer and wanted to make their lives into a TV show. He wanted to put cameras all around the house and film them for three months. They would become household names. It was their big chance.
'John!' Look at this. It's a
contract for our own TV show!'
'Let me see' John hurried into the kitchen and joined Bryan. 'That's
amazing! I can't believe it. we're going to be famous!' But he didn't
look very happy.
John saw his sad face and asked, 'Are you sure this is what you want?'
Bryan hugged him and said, 'When this started, all I wanted was
for us to stop arguing, and we did. Then I
thought we could become rich and famous. But now, I'm not sure I want
other people
watching us anymore. I just want to spend a quiet time alone with you.'
John smiled. 'Me too. I'm just happy that we are happy again.'
The two young actors took the contract and tore it in half. Then they
walked to the front door and locked it for the first time in months.
Privacy
at last.